Rich & creamy: That’s how I would describe today. The day feels a little heavy, a little scary, a little overwhelming… but it filled and warmed me, leaving me contentedly drowsy. The undercurrent of anxiety is, as always, there. But in a day full of blessings so smooth and deep, much like the pumpkin bisque my mom and I shared at dinner out tonight, I feel awash in gratitude. Satisfied and satiated. I would choose the bright, sweet, juicy joy of fresh watermelon on a sunny July afternoon over a bowl of unbelievably decadent soup on a bitterly cold and windy January night ANY DAY. Such an obvious pleasure and easy delight. But there is something to be said for the mellow, longer-lasting treats in life. A softly glowing fireplace rather than the fantastic display of fireworks. I may not choose them, but that is short-sighted of me. I have lost my tolerance for emotional pain, and just want to feel better. I want sun, I want fresh fruit in season, I want bobbing around on ocean waves and a week off to read half a dozen books and hike some new trails and mountains! But today I was quietly blessed by the things that mean more and last longer.
A looooong, full, busy day at work… with coworkers and bosses and customers who appreciate and trust me AND express that.
A therapist I am becoming increasingly comfortable with, and who helps me feel HOPE.
A best friend here fore the weekend, and another on her way! Each had to drive hours to get here and each makes me feel known and valued. I am not alone. I am not worthless.
A birthday! My loving father, a man I can respect, and the source of so many of my own traits (the good and the bad)… turned 54 today!
Dinner out! A fun new restaurant (new for me, but actually a nearly 300 year old place… Love New England) and a couple of new dishes and family and a friend who don’t mind sharing… I enjoy trying lots of things rather than eating 1 big entree. Yummy, and brave, and giggle-filled dinner time. A new favorite wine!
A super cozy bed and a contented heart as I drift off to sleep. I know there will be more pain, quite likely within the next 24 hours. But I love this feeling. The ache may run deep… but so do the blessings.
I love you guys. <3