For the first time in many months, I resent my body’s need for sleep. I may not be as drowsy and brain-dead as I am now if I had not taken my “sleepy pill” (Trazadone). But I kept busy all day and know I need to sleep soundly. I’m racing in the morning!
I like sleeping, and I’m quite ready for bed… so I guess it would be more accurate to say that I wish it were still only 6pm. I have a couple of things I want to journal and/or blog. I’d like to write about what’s got me sad this weekend (I say “sad” when I know what’s bothering me and “down” when it’s depression and general malaise). I want to explore the blurry area between having a good day and becoming hypo-manic. I don’t think I’m heading that way. It’s just that I have been so down for so long, and I just did cleaning that I’ve wanted to get to for almost a year. I did a ton of it, all in one day… that’s very unusual. And cleaning is often a hypo-manic activity of mine. So I start overanalyzing and that bothers me. It’s good to be aware of my moods and mood-swings, for sure. I’ll know very soon if this is more than just a good day. And if I need to, I will call my psychiatrist, because if I start to come too far out of the depression we’ll definitely need to adjust the meds (I’m on 3 anti-depressants, woohoo). I know that’s good, and I know that I have more to do with the maintenance and treatment and control of my mood disorder than my psychiatrist does. She can only help me if I know what is going on, and am able to express to her how I’ve been feeling and what has been shifting. But it’s still bothersome. Can’t I just have a good day?
On that note… I’m thankful for the day I’ve had and am going to lay a very tired head on a clean pillowcase. (: